“There’s no such thing as other people’s children.” I first heard this quote, which was penned by Glennon Doyle, in a presentation in a parish in Dallas. The priest taught us about the ordering of our loves and what it looks like to love our children well. At church, she argued, there is no such thing is other people’s children. The nurture, welcome, and care of the children in our pews is a responsibility we all share. Children are never “someone else’s problem.” They are everyone’s blessing. And because they are a gift to all of us, all of us owe a great deal to them. Afterall, each time a child is baptized, we vow to do all in our power to support them in their life in Christ. But what does that work actually look like?
Like most things in the Church, our work ought to be a reflection of our beliefs. So, we must begin there: What do we believe about children?
First, we believe that every child is born with an understanding and experience of God. They are not blank slates onto which we must write an understanding of Christ. Rather, they already have an intimate experience and understanding of the divine, they simply lack the language with which to explore it. Consider these words from William Wordsworth’s “Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood”:
“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!”
If children really do “trail clouds of glory,” if they really do know something of God which you and I may have forgotten, then we must listen to them. We must take their prayer and their spirituality seriously. We have a lot to learn from the youngest saints in our midst – from their capacity to wonder, their appreciation of mystery, their unflagging curiosity. Perhaps this is what Jesus means when he teaches us in the Gospels, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 18:3-4).
Our task, then, is to support children in their ongoing spiritual life. In that work, we share a few responsibilities:
First, we must honor children’s spirituality. When we talk about children’s spirituality, we are talking about God’s way of being with children and children’s way of being with God. Of course, God created all of us to be in relationship with him. That relationship is not dependent upon intellect or understanding. It does not wait for a certain maturity. It is a gift from the moment of our creation. And because children live and move and have their being a little differently adults do, their spirituality looks different than ours does. In fact, it often looks like play. Children’s work and growth begins play.
Second, we must give them a language with which to explore their relationship with God. We do this both in the liturgy and in Sunday School. The curriculum we use is Godly Play, which is the Church’s best tool in supporting children’s spirituality. We will talk more about Godly Play in the coming weeks. For now, let’s think about supporting children in worship.
We have already established that children’s way of being with God looks a little differently ours does. Their prayer, their worship, and even their listening does not always look like “good behavior” in church. They will wiggle. They will make noise. They will play in the pew. But do not dismiss the work they are doing. They are engaging with the sights and sounds and smells of worship in their own way. The liturgy is forming them in ways we cannot always understand.
Imagine that you see a new family visiting us for the first time. They have a squirming child who is making noise. The parents seem worried that they are disturbing those around them. What might you do to let them know that they are welcome? Perhaps you might…
· Smile at them. It sounds simple, but taking a few moments to even silently let a new family know that you are glad to see them goes a long way.
· Invite them to sit with you. This gesture sends a message, loud and clear, that this new family is not disturbing us in any way. And, you might even be able to help guide them through the service, should they need it.
· Offer them a “busy bag” – a new cloth sack in the Narthex with a coloring sheet, crayons, and items for quiet play. The ushers can help you find a busy bag.
· Show them the “soft space.” Ideally, we want children to sit close to the front so that they can see what is happening at the altar. Seeing the beauty of worship unfold helps them engage. But that isn’t always possible. The soft space gives children and families a little room to breathe without judgment.
Of course, there is more we can do. In the coming weeks, I look forward to brainstorming with you about new ways we can welcome children well, honor their unique spirituality, and learn from their wonder, love, and play.