Over the past few days, I have found myself in grief over the death of my mother on Sunday morning. If you have lost a parent, you will know that there are no words to describe it. I feel deep gratitude for the mercy of God in that my mother is no longer suffering from a disease that incapacitated her body and her mind. While I shed tears at unpredictable moments as I remember my mother’s sweet smile, I also rejoice that her smile, which was less frequent in recent years, has undoubtedly returned in the nearer presence of God. As St. Paul tells us, death has lost its sting. Although death creates great sorrow for us still on earth, it is freedom for those who suffer in the final days of their lives. I cannot imagine a life without the truth of the resurrection.
Here in my father’s apartment in San Antonio, I have also been grieving as I follow national events through the news media. I was horrified to watch footage of the last earthly moments of Alex Pretti. I was dismayed by attempts to diminish the worth of his life by blaming the victim. I was deeply disturbed to observe how humans will easily resort to physical violence in the heat of an emotionally-charged moment. In times of discord, it is alarming to notice the quick unleashing of human savagery, which must lurk below the surface more than we care to acknowledge. We are seeing the emergence of lawlessness as a means of reinforcing an unholy grasp on power. Regardless of where each of us stands politically, as Christians, we must resist such lawless violence. Eschewing violence should not be a partisan issue. We must honor the dignity of every person. We must seek the path of peace, not division.
In my own lifetime, I am not sure I have ever experienced a time where the Church’s very mettle has been tested quite so strongly. Before the Emperor Constantine’s own conversion led to the general acceptance of Christianity as a religion in the fourth century, Christians were always in defiance of the law to some extent. Being a Christian was not legal. Now, if we choose to live as disciples of Jesus Christ, we may find ourselves needing to choose with whom we side: Caesar or Christ. In a just world, this decision may be less pronounced, but we are not living in a just world. It is very easy for us to write off the current state of affairs as something we simply have to accept because we inhabit an imperfect world, but that seems cowardly. We should not be forced to compartmentalize our “secular” lives and our “sacred” lives. When we follow Christ, we are in this world but not of this world.
I do not have easy answers to the state of crisis in our nation. But I do know that the Church is most fully herself when she is with the poor, and by poor, I mean those living in poverty as well as the oppressed, the suffering, the hurting, the abused, the refugee, the homeless, and any one who is cast aside as mere refuse. In the days ahead, it will take courage and perhaps defiance to continue to care for the stranger, the immigrant, the poor, and the suffering when government policies are working against these timeless acts of Christian charity.
This past week, The Most Rev. Sean Rowe, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, wrote a message encouraging us to persevere in the work that Christ has called us to do. You can read his words here. At Good Shepherd, we will persist in remembering the poor. We must not allow one person to remain lost if we can help in some way. If things continue the way they have been, we may be required to make bold, risky choices to be faithful disciples of Christ.
Our own diocese is sponsoring a Vigil for Peace at Philadelphia Episcopal Cathedral on Saturday, January 31 beginning at 10 a.m. At Good Shepherd, we will pray for justice, peace, and righteousness to prevail in our nation and across the world. Our elected leaders and the citizens of this nation need our prayers. We must start with prayer, but such prayer should empower us with the necessary strength to stand up courageously for a world in which no person is shot carelessly by agents of the government and where unity and not division is the norm.
Psalm 51:18 tells us that “the sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit.” In times of grief and dismay, the Holy Spirit prays within us with sighs too deep for words. Our troubled spirit is prayer enough, but such prayer must also move us to action. In this time of my own grief, I am deeply grateful for your gestures of kindness and compassion. I ask for your continued prayers for the repose of the soul of my dear mother, Nanette, as well as for my family and me. Please pray for the repose of the souls of all who are the victims of violence. Pray for people across the world where there is no peace. Pray for the coming of the peace of God that passeth all understanding.
Yours in Christ,
Father Kyle